Monday, August 3, 2015

The future I want

I think it's the easiest to dream about a future when you're stuck in your present. When you are tied to a lease and a job you can't afford to leave, and people you don't know how to tell you want to move away from. 

It's easy to think of another place and all the good it would bring you. All the peace and solitude from doing something as far away from what your current situation is. 

It's not completely the answer, running. It's not a solution to problems because you have to address your problems other wards they're just going to creep up on you in a new place. Eventually. Everything is short lived. That's why happiness is hard to consistently obtain. You are happy then you're over it and the void is back in your soul. But that's why you have to have a plan and more to it than a sudden change. 

I think I'm moving to Oregon. Actually, j know I am. Just for a year.. Or maybe I will love it and stay. But all I know is Portland is the place for me. 

And this time I will learn from my mistakes in California that brought me back to Florida. I love Florida but I just think my spirit needs more than what I get here. That's why I'm always depressed. I feel stuck. I get surrounded with consistent things that I don't want to be a part of. I don't like routine. I don't like knowing what I'm going to do tomorrow. I like adventuring. And I haven't been able to do anything since I moved home. We talk of all these dreams and things we want to do but no one is able to follow through. The people I've met since I moved home talk and talk and talk but no one is really doing anything to make it happen. And the ones who do , props to you. I wish we were friends. 

I need to be alone out there. 

I need a future that I can add to my memories of being young and seeing things I can build off of. I personally like the struggle. 

Nothing that's easy is really appreciated. 

Life is a roller coaster. I know that's cliche but that's the truest thing I've figured out over the years. And love is hard. And timing is a batch. And it's never going to be the "right time" for things. That's why it's just TIME. just fucking go for it. 

I'm fucking moving. Once my lease is up in April. 

Who wouldn't want to live here?