"But I did the things I did for love. I was so in love. I felt so alive. I felt so lifted by everything that was going on. I remember looking into his eyes and feeing with my soul. I could see the hearts coming out of my eyes when I looked at him. It was so easy. It was expression. It was art."
It's not magical Pinterest quotes. It's real life feelings. It's real life emotions. People ask me why I feel this way and sometimes I'm just speechless. I don't know what to say. I've never felt like this about anyone else in my life and I don't think I ever will and it terrifies me. The wall is so high for me. The barriers I've placed are like titanium posts filled with cement. Imagining myself going through this with someone else again makes me nauseous. Having your heart ripped out and stomped on is worse than any other feeling. I know everyone goes through heartbreak but it doesn't change how I feel. I WISH I could feel different, and have the confidence to not put myself through this pathetic emotion of being utterly in love with someone who doesn't give a FUCK about me. But I can't help it. He makes me weak. He makes my heart pound. He makes my eyes water at the thought of not speaking to him. He makes me nauseous knowing that I'm not going to end up with him. It makes me nervous to know I do have to get back out there eventually and actually be 100% THERE. It makes me sick to know I treated someone else the way that he treated me. But I didn't mean to. I wanted so badly to feel something else. And that's why I'm alone now. These are the things you can't tell people. These are the things you can't say during a break up, or to your family, or to your friends who can't stand to hear about the same person you know you shouldn't be with. You're pathetic in your own eyes. And your life is doing so well, except for that little part. And that's why you feel inadequate. And that's why you want to lay in bed and melt into a world where you don't exist. And that's why you should kick ass at life and become something awesome. This is where you channel it. This is where you self motivate. But it's hard when all you can feel is your heart dripping from your own chest.
