Ten Things I want to Do Before Thanksgiving

1.) Quit Drinking Diet Soda 

-I know this is horrible. I can't stop drinking it. It's been an addiction since I was 12. It's all my dad used to buy, and my mom would if I asked, and it's not their fault, I just became so addicted! 

In reality I know it's so bad for you for so many reasons... People say artificial sweeteners actually make your body not realize the true taste of food, which is sad to me because I love food. And sweets. Also it gives you headaches (I get migraines, makes sense) and it is linked to weight gain, and aspartame is killer. 

So I am trying really hard to quit! I have been limiting myself to one a day at work but even that needs to end. 

RIP DDP, Diet Mt Dew, Diet Coke, Diet Root Beer, Diet Ginger Ale in my red wine, Etc. I'll miss you. 

2.) Go to Portland Solo Dolo 

-if I really am moving here, which in my mind i am, then I'll be moving alone and living alone and I need to go ahead and experience being somewhere alone. In San Diego I had my friends to show me around. I don't know anyone in Portland so that's not going to happen. 

Might as well get lost before I move there! 

3.) Start Selling More of my Art! 

-people ask me for things all the time and I'm so unconfident in my work that I just shrug it off. I feel like people see my pictures on Instagram and they look better as a photo than a painting and I know I'm just being my pessimistic self but I need to get out of that phase!!

4.) Save All Money

-I am such an impulsive spender.  But also lately I've had a lot of things to pay for.  Now that's done I need to save everything I make. I have a good three weeks before rents due again and I need to get serious!! 

5.) Make Savings Jars for Separate Things

- liiiiike a jar for rent, a jar for food, a jar for going out, a jar for shopping, and a jar for traveling. 

Clearly putting all my money in the bank is where I go wrong. I use my credit card and debit card way to much. Maybe if I have all my money at home trapped in my house I won't be able to spend it. And I need to take my credit card out of my damn wallet. 

6.) Lose 5 pounds

-this is always on my list but I am serious right now. I can't even deal with myself when I get dressed. I know I'm skinny but you don't understand the way my brain works so don't try. When my pants are tight, my mind races and I want to fucking scream. 

7.) Stop Obsessing Over Food

-I want to lose weight by making better decisions, not by starving myself. I want to eat meals, but healthy ones. Today I had a strawberries, yogurt, a salad I made with cukes and chicken, then my step mom made meatloaf so I had some of that when i went to my dads because I can't resist homemade meals.  Anyways I just wanna be smart not miserable. 

8.) Stop Feeling Sympathetic for Everyone Who Gives a Sob Story 

-if I had a fucking dollar....

9.) Embrace Things That Aren't Netflix Binges

-for three months straight I was in some depression where all I did was drink and watch Netflix by myself. 

This needs to end. 

I started reading again, well I never stopped but it took me a month to read a 200pg book. Now I've started a new one and read 76 pages tonight. Get back at that. 

Go outside. 

10.) Be A Better Person 

This is always on my list too. Even if you're a good person, you can always be better. Strive for greatness. I want to help people more, when they truly need it. And be there for people who need encouragement. I want to be honest with people also rather than sugar coat things because I don't want to feel bad about something. Honesty is the best thing anyone could give you. 

I also want to be a smarter human, a better friend, a loyal employee, a better daughter, a better sister and a good momma to my new pup. 

The future I want

I think it's the easiest to dream about a future when you're stuck in your present. When you are tied to a lease and a job you can't afford to leave, and people you don't know how to tell you want to move away from. 

It's easy to think of another place and all the good it would bring you. All the peace and solitude from doing something as far away from what your current situation is. 

It's not completely the answer, running. It's not a solution to problems because you have to address your problems other wards they're just going to creep up on you in a new place. Eventually. Everything is short lived. That's why happiness is hard to consistently obtain. You are happy then you're over it and the void is back in your soul. But that's why you have to have a plan and more to it than a sudden change. 

I think I'm moving to Oregon. Actually, j know I am. Just for a year.. Or maybe I will love it and stay. But all I know is Portland is the place for me. 

And this time I will learn from my mistakes in California that brought me back to Florida. I love Florida but I just think my spirit needs more than what I get here. That's why I'm always depressed. I feel stuck. I get surrounded with consistent things that I don't want to be a part of. I don't like routine. I don't like knowing what I'm going to do tomorrow. I like adventuring. And I haven't been able to do anything since I moved home. We talk of all these dreams and things we want to do but no one is able to follow through. The people I've met since I moved home talk and talk and talk but no one is really doing anything to make it happen. And the ones who do , props to you. I wish we were friends. 

I need to be alone out there. 

I need a future that I can add to my memories of being young and seeing things I can build off of. I personally like the struggle. 

Nothing that's easy is really appreciated. 

Life is a roller coaster. I know that's cliche but that's the truest thing I've figured out over the years. And love is hard. And timing is a batch. And it's never going to be the "right time" for things. That's why it's just TIME. just fucking go for it. 

I'm fucking moving. Once my lease is up in April. 

Who wouldn't want to live here?