Restless

Later || morning || restless.

No one seems to see why I am where I am but in the end I guess it only matters if I get it. My life is a line if moments and I respect all of them. But no regrets is the easy way of coping if you ask me because there are plenty of things I regret. Does that change any of them? No. But I still wish I did them differently. But at the same time I wouldn't be the same person. Or would I? How would I know. I have become someone who I am proud of for standing up for what I believe is my future even when I have mass judgement, even when I failed, and I want to say at least I tried, but still I failed. My life used to be so stable, now it's been so fluid and full of emotion and decisions that have altered who I am. It's weird to think about but I guess this is just the plan made for me. I truly do wonder where I will be a year from now. It's crazy to think of where I was a year ago, compare it to what I've done since then; I've graduated college with two degrees, moved three times, lived in a different state, traveled across the globe, owned a car on my own, etc. I guess this is my late night thoughts...

Late Night Thoughts

I want to feel expression. 

I want to just engulf all the romantic ideas I have in my mind, and release them into the night. I wish I could accept the things I cannot change easier. I am working towards things, acceptance, agreeing my actions with my thoughts, but it's been a slow process. 

Finally at the end of my street I have seen the light go on and guidance is more appreciated inside my mind. 

I'm happy to know that life is a journey. You never stop learning. The beauty of our souls is so inspiring that it makes me look forward to every day for once in my life. I never have felt like this before. 

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Tonight is one of those nights when I feel tired but restless. I want to sleep but I want to feel. My mind is going in a million directions. My eyes are exhausted but my brain is in the left lane going 90 in a 65. 

I want to lay on the roof in the rain. I want to stargaze and eat marshmallows, but life isn't going to give me that right now. I am planted where I need to be at this moment and that's the way it's going to be regardless of what I want it to be. The sooner I accept this, the better off I'll be. 

Lately I've just felt so thankful for the life I have and the things I've experienced that it's hard to be sad about anything. I don't feel sympathy for people anymore. If you want to do something, then do it. If you want a change in your life, make it happen!!

I go back to California next week and there is so much I want to do, but I don't know what I'm GOING to do cause it's so many different motions. 

I really don't have a home after the end of August, and I don't know how to interpret it. I might go to Peru to teach art and English. 

I'm at a loss but I feel like a winner in the end. I just don't know what my next move is. 

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